A recent discussion with a close friend has sparked thoughts on the idea of duty and love. Military personal are often charged with sacrificing their lives for their country, and are said to do so out of an intense sense of duty. The problem with this idea is that an action executed out of duty lacks the heart part of commitment. A father sacrificing his life to save the his child, is done so out of love. Duty, in this particular case, doesn’t even enter into the equation. A soldier must possess both a sense of duty and love for his country in order to have the highest possibility of success and survival.
There are other areas this interesting dichotomy can be observed. Certainly in friendships, but most notably within the marriage covenant. The following is possibly the most explicit explanation of the roll that should exist between a man and a woman.
Ephesians 5:22-33
22Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body. 31“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
These verses speak of the duty a husband and wife have to each other. It goes so far as to compare the roll that a husband has in the marriage relationship with that of Christ and the church! For any husband, this should be an uncomfortable comparison considering Christ gave His life for the church. It’s not a covenant that anyone should enter into lightly.
The thing that hits me about this passage is that, as the husband (and Christ), execute their responsibilities out of duty, it truly is without meaning if love isn’t also in the picture. Think about that. If Christ died on the cross solely out of duty to His Father, it simply doesn’t mean the same thing. The same is true of the husband. The moment his actions can be chalked up to duty, is the same moment damage begins to occur in the marriage relationship.
Husbands must be good protectors and providers. We must also be good lovers. Men often fail at this task without even knowing. We tend to make comparisons and excuses, but our duty remains the same regardless of what our spouse does or doesn’t do. The passage above isn’t one of contingency. The problem is when that “duty” is executed without the necessary love. Love and duty go hand in hand within the marriage relationship.
